2.30am & I can’t sleep.
I am listening to Ghoul, seeing them later tonight at FBi Last Night NYE Party. Possibly again at Field Day if I actually get there at noon. My mind is going mental at the moment. Seriously the chain of thoughts I’m having is crazy, all over the place. Jumping back and forth in time. I talk to myself a lot. I actually had two voices in my head before. I was arguing with myself about why I couldn’t sleep. I did have an iced coffee before but usually instant coffee doesn’t affect me because it’s not real. Today is the LAST day of the year. Maybe I should do a recap of what 2010 was for me. Where to start. January. I can’t remember much from that month. It was okay I suppose. Holidays. No clinical, yeah it was probably awesome. Then my birthday. I wondered around the city aimlessly all day then turned up at a friend’s house spontaneously and had garlic sauce and chips. I will miss her greatly when she moves to Hobart next month. First semester was ok. Started working as a tutor. Made me hate kids even more. Finished up my weed phase. Mid year clinical was hell. Discovered stuff about a friend that was shocking. A couple of friendships died and a few more formed. Helped my parents start up their business from scratch. Got told to move out several times. Finally got my licence and a new car. Crashed it into my own gate. Amazing gigs. Highlights would be Kasabian, Foals and Linkin Park. Going through retarded sex phase. Offered a job. Less moody this year. Avoided spiraling into a black abyss like the previous year which was pretty awesome. I guess I can say that I’m proud of myself for being able to get myself out of that hole and be fine. I want to cut my hair right now. I was going to get a tattoo but never got around to it. I had plans to travel to Europe these holidays but that fell through. I’m starting to get really edgy about my 21st. I know as it approaches, more and more people will begin to ask about it. This really irritates me. I’m happy to celebrate everyone else’s birthday but not mine. I know my parents are going to push for a party but hell to the no. I don’t want them meeting my uni friends, just so they can judge me. I’ve been looking at places in the inner west. I’ve been slowly going through the stuff in my room and throwing stuff out I don’t want. I pretend that I’m moving out and I have to get rid of stuff. Today, my friend and I pretended to shop as boys then as I do, randomly started talking to the sales assistant which turned out to be a hilarious conversation about how ugly most things are in General Pants and how he wouldn’t pay $2 for most of the stuff in the store. I’m a little hungry right now. I don’t know what I’d eat though. I’m hoping my mum doesn’t wake up for her middle of the night pee and comes in here to tell me off about being up late. I like to sleep a lot because when you sleep, you don’t really thing except I’ve been having some intense dreams lately. Then during the day, I can’t remember if the memories running through my mind were actually real ones or part of my dream. I need to paint my nails red tomorrow. I can’t wait for Field Day. Finally get to see Klaxons. Come with come with we’ll travel to infinity. Love that song. Also can’t wait to see Art vs. Science again. The atmosphere they generate is euphoric. I know I’m going to get so many bruises from Field Day. I’ve made a list of music I want to download and have a listen to. The list is pretty long now. I have a short attention span. Everything needs to be fast otherwise it’s boring. I also obsess over things for a month then lose all interest. I don’t know why. I will pick something to obsess about. I will completely cut up about it and be all whiney to my friends about it then next thing you know, I don’t care anymore. That’s a bad habit actually. Maybe that should be my new year’s resolution. Stop having a short attention span. Stop being a goldfish? I wonder if the koi in my pond are still happening. I should check tomorrow. Eh I can’t be bothered typing anymore. It’s all boring mush anyway. I’m going back to downloading crap I won’t ever watch because I feel the need to reach 100% of my date allowance. I’m at 30%. Impossible but I like a challenge. Goodnight. Goodmorning. Oyasumi nasai.
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